Can I just share with you that I am feeling very overwhelmed right now! Not in a bad way, but in a "Oh Lord, what did I do to deserve all that You are entrusting me with" kind of way!
Yesterday was such an enlightening day for me. I have been "hearing" that I need to go big. Ok, I know what this is in relation to......but I wasn't getting the whole idea. So yesterday.....as I was talking to a friend, there it came at me again......no really, go big....big like a small hotel, or a school, or a church....big. Ok.....
So, I get in my car to head over to the church and I turned the key, started the car, turned the radio off and said outloud "ok...you have my full attention....please clarify what I am hearin here, cuz I am not getting it" So, a little ways down the road ....more are coming.... ok .... so I need a bigger house cuz there may be more kids comin? .... a little further down the road ... not just kids, mothers and their children, whole families....help them heal and move them on.... Now I have chills and I am callin out...are you sure you know who you are talking to here.....Lord, how can I do that? I am not trained to do these things! Lord, please....I want to do what You tell me to do, but I don't know how to do this! Silly me! Question the one who puts the questions in my head....lol! When will I learn?
So, I get to the church and go inside. One of the regular helpers is in there and she says I look a little frazzled and so I tell her a little bit of what was going on. She says "Can I pray for you?" I said "yes, please...is now good for you?" She laid her hands on my shoulders and began to pray.....let me tell you that she was praying things that I was "hearing" yet, I hadn't told her this part of the story. Not only that....the presence of God around us was so overwhelming that I really don't know if I was breathing while she was praying or if I was just totally consumed by Him!
It doesn't stop there....I didn't help because I arrived late, so I waited in line with all the others. I haven't yet done that. I was overwhelmed with emotion sitting with these hurting people. A few reached out to me....probably because they figured if I was sitting there with them, I was hurting to. This really humbled me and I was able to have a couple really meaningful conversations that really helped me and hopefully the other person received as well.
Last but not least....I get home and told the girls what had just happened to me that morning. The thought that overshadowed everything that I was saying....the images running thru my mind while I was relaying all the information was the Watoto community in Africa. The kids came to my church and sang and I wanted so badly to drop it all and run to Africa and love these hurting souls. At the end, two little boys grabbed hold of me and spoke to me.....now they had been shaking hands, but when I got to the little boy 2nd from the end he just latched around my waist and looked deep into my heart and I felt it change right that second. Then the last little boy in line did the same thing. So, that being said.....I tell my husband when he gets home what happened. I told him that somehow in all that I think that the hurting in Illinois need the love that the hurting in Africa need....and since I can't go there, I need to do that here. I said I feel as though God is reachin down and puttin the smack down on my heart....he laughed and said "honey, have you ever heard the term duck".......we laughed and I said "well, God's hand is a little too big and if He wants it done, I don't know that there is anywhere I can run"
So, all that said..........PLEASE PRAY FOR ME! I don't know when or what is coming my way, but I do know that the Lord is preparing to once again rock my world and I want to be able to sail the waves and let His work be done.............