Monday, September 1, 2008

I apologize

I apologize....I posted nothing yesterday. I know that you may say that I don't need to say I am sorry for that, but really I do.
You see, I let the dark in for a minute .... and it scared me! There was a minute on Saturday night that I became the person that I used to be. It started so quickly and ran so fast! At one point I truly looked at myself in the mirror to see if it was really me sitting there. I didn't realize how easy it is to slip .... how quickly the devil wants to reclaim what he wants .... how totally empassioned one can get in such a short period of time. I became engulfed in jealousy....I reacted instead of acting.....I bought a pack of cigarettes, and smoked a couple of them.....I had a drink, well I took a drink from it and it made me feel sick so I put it down. Guys, I haven't done any of that in a REALLY long time! To top it all of, I was so disgusted with myself that I didn't even go to church Sunday morning.
So, Sunday I had some serious fixing to do within myself.....some serious conversations with my Father to have. I had to humble myself yet again and really get personal with God. I had to come to the point that I know it is ok that I stumbled, I am human. The good thing is that my Lord is soooo much stronger than His opponent! He wasn't gonna let go and I wasn't gonna stop reaching! Guys, it was not where I wanted to be nor is it where I ever want to go again, but I needed a reality check and I needed to remember that none of us are safe from temptation. I chose to go down that road when it was presented......I had to own my mistake and fix it......I had to go to my Father and humble myself before Him.
The thing is .... He was still there for me! He was still with me, which is why I was able to surface and realize my wrong before it carried me away. No matter how wrong what I did was, no matter how horrible it made me Daddy was sitting there waiting for me to come sit at His feet and get my scolding, my lesson if you will , and then crawl up on His lap so that I could know His love and He could dry my tears...........
Life gets no better than know that I can always go to my Father and He will discipline me but still love me and not turn His back........................
Father, thank You for holding my head up when I can't do it myself...thank You for letting me know that I am not a horrible person but that temptation is always right there and I need to listen for Your voice to guide me. Please forgive my selfishness! I love you, Father, and need You always!!!