Tuesday, May 5, 2009

His beauty around me

Sunday was an amazing day. Jeff and I went to church together--that is praise number one! I can't even describe how it feels to finally sit next to my husband in church. Overwhelming emotions there. But we are standing during praise and worship and I looked down into the lower sanctuary and was just overwhelmed. There were so many young people lifting their hands to the Lord..singing His praise...loving Him so openly that it just grabbed me by the heart. I was so overwhelmed with love and gratitude. It literally brought me to tears.
Then sermon started. Wow. Ok, Pastor had us write on a blank piece of paper anything that we feel is holding us down, anything making us feel as though we do not belong in the presence of God. Then, we were to go to a paper shredder nearby and shred the paper. Simple right.......TRY IT! wow! I asked the Lord to just pour out my insecurities, my doubts, my fears onto this sheet of paper like I wasn't in the equation. Lord, show me what is keeping me from being closer to You...show me what I am letting stand in the way of my love for You. He did! I put on paper each thought exactly as it came to me until I knew that was the end of it. I quietly stood and prayed myself over to the shredder and I kid you not, as that paper began to shred I began to cry. But it was happiness...freedom...love...joy...these things I wrote are things that were hidden inside that didn't show themselves often. They were just little bits of poison stored here and there in just the right spots to keep me sick! To keep me from feeling I was free...to stand in the way of being so many things. Now they are gone! The Lord revealed them, I acknowledged them, Father will never look at them again!!!! It really is that simple! I think it is the acknowledgement that was so important for me. When I am hiding from myself, how can I be honest with Him. What I realized there isn't anything that I can hide from Him....He revealed these things to me so that I would be free of them, it wasn't me revealing anything to Him.....how did I miss that all those times before?! When we ask, He answers....but we have to listen!
So, after service we headed to Starved Rock for the blessing of the bikes. Now, I have to tell you that one of the biggest reasons I love to ride is that while I am on that bike it is me and my Father..I have no interuptions...no music...no voices...no distractions...it is just His beauty all around me and a direct connect conversation going on and it is the most amazing thing to me. So we are riding along and I am just praising Him and thanking Him and offering all my love to Him when He says to me "stop trying and just rest in me!" stop trying? I wasn't sure what I was trying cuz truly at that moment it was all about the worship....but He wasn't answering "to" that moment. He was answering "in" that moment because that is when I tuned in and allowed Him to have my attention. Once that hit me I just wanted to cry! I want to always tune in...I want Him to always know that I am ready for Him....so I need to slow it down....I need to stop trying and just rest in Him....how simple is that really, but wow to apply it!
Father keep in the center of your will for me and keep my hands still in Your works. Let only Your love and Your wisdom and Your grace flow through my life so that others may see You and know Your love. Holy Spirit stay with me and help me help others come to know and understand how perfect Your love is!