I was recently at a retreat for the youth leaders at my church. Something happened to me there that I cannot even really explain. God really opened my heart and put on me such a passion, such a burden, such a love for our young people. I mean I had it before, but He like so intensified it that at moments it is hard to breathe over the longing for our children that I have in my heart.
There was an exercise, if you will, that we did while we were there. It was focus on a bite of Word. We read it and then we read it focusing on one part and then put the focus on another part and really just tuned in to what God was saying to us right then. It was so beautiful!!!! It was so incredible!!!! I had never really studied like that before, but I will now. God opened up my heart in that session and He really broke chains that I didn't acknowledge still existed.
Another thing I did in this time was to have my notebook and pencil. I didn't just sit and listen and then process as I normally do. This time I felt compelled to write. It was incredible. Like as soon as I felt a stirring I put the pencil to the paper and out He poured. I did not think about what was being written. I did not stop the flow to ask any questions. I just let it come out. We had a time that we got with someone to tell them what stood out in our mind, and I was able to do that. I found it kind of funny because I didn't think I would even know what was coming out. My heart was so full that I just poured it out, like it just gushed out. Tears, laughter, love that was overwhelming.
Well this morning I am beginning a new approach in my relationship with the Lord and the study of His Word. This was such an incredible experience for me that I am going to just go with it. So I got out my notebook to begin and the first clean page was directly after this last entry. I realized that I hadn't even read what I wrote, I just assumed it to be what I shared verbally. Well you know I had to revisit that moment. HAHA!! God is incredible!! What I mentally retained was not even on this paper!! What was on this paper was God's personal message to me. Like a love letter from my Father! Another thing I noticed is there was no punctuation, not a period, not a comma. Lol! When I write, like when I sit and compose, I have every T crossed, every I dotted and every proper punctuation in place. Lol! I am going to share just a couple lines with you. These are just at random points throughout, not connected together.
"I am making a way out of this place you were in I am making new your heart and your life."
"I am doing a new thing in you"
"Stop holding claim to the lies of the devil He will tell you lies I only provide for you I chose you I made you beautiful You are mine You are not the person you have held on to all these years You are mine and I am yours You are right where I want you"
"I promise the new will be new and the old will gone it is gone stand with Me and give honor to me and know that it is as I say"
The new will be new! I have been having "new" issues, like I have felt or heard this word in so many areas of my life over this last month. He doesn't just change us!! He makes us new!!! He makes us new!!! He sheds us of all that is not good for us, of all the lies of the devil, and creates in us the new opportunities, the new mercies, the new grace, the new love....the new...the God in us!...the image of Himself for others to see!
I am going to share the scripture that spurred this in my heart.
Isaiah 43:18-20 (NLT)
"But forget all that-it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. The wild animals in the fields will thank me, the jackals and owls, too, for giving them water in the desert. Yes, I will make rivers in the dry wasteland so my chosen people can be refreshed."
Now I want to share one thing that I remember sharing verbally. It is about His body. His bride. Us. His church, His body, His bride, His love.
I have held on for so many years to the lie that satan has handed me about being too fat, not fitting in, not being pretty, not being as good as others, etc. I am so sorry Jesus! Do you know this has blocked what God has intended me to be?! He showed me that each of us is who we are because that is how He made us. It doesn't matter that we are different, that is what He wants. We are each a piece of a puzzle, so to speak. If we all looked the same, were shaped the same, acted the same, had the same gifts, we wouldn't fit together. He fashioned us to become One, His bride. He is returning to us. He has marked us as His and shaped us accordingly. Each of us compliments the other, and each of us reflects Him. Now close your eyes and picture this......look at the beautiful, spotless bride laid out for Jesus upon His return...all of His chosen in the clothes He gave us loving whole-heartedly as He intended. Isn't that beautiful!
One more thing He shared with me is this: How can I get full of Him and overflow onto others if I am standing with satan in belief of a lie about myself. I can't. I can only get so much and then there is a block. All of me cannot receive what my Father is trying to give me because I don't believe Him. Ha! How can I not believe my Father!!!!? How can I put anyone before Him!!!!? I can't! I won't! Now I know and satan has done lost his battle in this child of God!!! Thank You Jesus!!!!