I just have to share with you my heart right now. I have been praying over several weeks for God to just reveal to me His love for us......give me Your eyes, Lord.....give me Your hands, Lord.....give me Your heart, Lord........wow! All I can say is when you ask for something be prepared for the return!
So much emotion has been tied up in this request. I have spent the majority of this time in tears....humbled, wanting, hurting, loving, begging.......let me explain.....
He has humbled me .... brought me to my knees before Him so that He can empty me of what is not desirable.....He has convicted me on levels I didn't know where even there. My Lord, my Father is reshaping this heart of mine in response to my request....He has moved in, and did a long time ago but I didn't get the full extent of that.....HE WANTS ALL OF ME...THERE ISN'T ROOM FOR THE WORLD IN THIS HEART OF HIS!!!!!
I am so full of "want"....I want to be closer to Him, I can't get close enough. It is like every fiber of my being is stretched so far upward that I feel at times as though none of me is grounded. I just keep reaching higher and higher and wanting more and more of Him.......everything I see, everything I feel, everything around me keeps bringing me back to Him and His greatness and His glory. I am sooooo full of my desire for Him that I feel as though my flesh could just blow out at any time because there just isn't enough room to contain Him!
I have been hurting....on two levels. You see, He has revealed to me some things in my own nature that needed to be taken care of and given to Him to remold. Some of these things were such a part of who I had become that it really hurt to shed. By this I mean that I had to really look at some things in my life that I have said and done to hurt others and to intensify that, He reminded me that these, too, were His children. wow! I can't tell you how that affected my heart. The other level to this is that in asking for His heart, my level of "feeling" was amplified to the point that I cannot contain what I feel. When I see a hurting soul, my whole being aches and I cry out for them...and I don't necessarily "know" that these are hurting souls...some have looked outwardly great, but inside of me ached and saw past the outward and really just started feeling such pain. When I see a love, my whole being wants to explode from shear happiness and love, but it is so intense that it really, really hurts.....like my human heart just cannot contain that level of happiness....or that level of pain.....
I have been able to love those that to me, in my mind, weren't options in my life......oh, silly girl.....as I have been reminded by many lately speaking His truth, each person that I see has the potential for Jesus to be living inside that body!!!! Hello....do you get that??? Your boss at work that pushes your every button could potentially house the Holy of Holies!!!! Now.....how could my view not change.....how could I possibly ignore this?! I can't!
The begging is also two fold....as much as I feel overwhelmed by all of this.....I STILL WANT MORE....I STILL WANT CLOSER....I AM STILL BEGGING FOR HIS HEART, HIS HANDS, HIS EYES........ahhhhh....I just want to know Him beyond my human understanding...I want everyone who looks at me to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is alive and He wants to be known by all, He wants your heart!! your life!! He wants to be your everything!!!
I never thought that someone such as myself could be so loved....so cherished....so adored....but my Jesus loves me that much, cherishes every thing about me, adores me beyond any reason....and He does you too.....
"Be transformed by the renewing of your mind and therefore prove what is the will of God."