The Rock

(I just found this in my draft folder. Thought it had published several months ago...so here it is.)

The last couple of weeks have been trying for me. So many things have been tossed in my path, some great but others were really set out there to make me stumble. It seemed that with each thing that hung me up, the easier it was to trip me up over the next thing. Like, with each stone that I tripped on seven more were added until all of a sudden there was a wall in front of me keeping me from living my life as God intended. The good news, the stones in the wall were made of sand. The foundation those sandstones were laid on was Rock...solid Rock...Christ Jesus had already taken that position and He cannot be moved!!! Thank You Jesus!

So many times over these weeks it has went through my mind that I just wanted to run away, just get away from everyone and everything. I have to tell you, that the first two I pretty much started isolating myself, not from the world but from God. Last week was different. At some point it became very clear to me that the only place I needed to run was to my Father. Where else could I go that I would be safe, comforted, taught, guided, and just secure in knowing that what I needed would be brought about. And so I opened His Word. I had still been doing my daily readings..that was good..but I went beyond that. God put on my heart some books to read...and so I ordered them. One of them I had sitting on the shelf and hadn't opened it, so I began reading it.
I had an incredible experience with a couple wise women of God and we prayed together for a long period of time (that felt like just a minute, lol) and God revealed so much to me in that session!!!
Then yesterday, at church, Pastor Joe spoke and it was like his words were arrows that found a bulls eye in my heart. His words just resonated there and it was like, wow, my God is talking so clearly to me and it is time to stop playing and listen. One thing Joe said was that when Jesus was a boy he "ran away from home". His parents frantically searched for Him and when they found Him at the temple, He was teaching and not at all concerned. You see, He was doing the work of His Father. I need to do the work of my Father, whether or not others want to come along.

Change

Have you ever had one of those days where your life just doesn't seem to fit quite right anymore? Those things that you once were so excited about now "just are". Time seems to be less than enough and life seems to be overwhelming?

Well, today is one of those days for me. I feel like an old pair of shoes that once were a prized possession and now sit for weeks without a second glance. Is that to say I am not enjoying life? No, not at all. I am. I am just not enjoying some things the way I once did. 

Relationships are changing. My desires are changing. My outlook is changing. My body is changing. Change. Change seems to be the thought for the day. 

Sometimes, like now, I just sit back and wonder what really am I doing. Am I making a difference? Am I shining for others to see Jesus? Or am I hiding in the comfort of what I consider my safety zone? Could it be that my life has become complacent and I am not taking chances? Not giving my all to effectively make a difference in the lives of others? Am I boxing God in with my choices? Have I taken back my old wardrobe in hopes that I won't stand out in the crowd and be noticed? 

Today, I am going to make sure I have on the clothes Jesus has chosen I wear. I am going to give back to Him all that my controlling hands seem to want to keep. I am going to stop, breathe Him in and listen for His response to my situation.

Lord, today as I stumble through all these thoughts and changes I just ask that You take hold of each and every one that washes through God that you remove me from the equation and let only what You want in Father I just thank You so much for this life I am living, the people that are in it and the newness heading my way and I just ask for strength and wisdom and patience and peace as I work through each new thing You deliver and I ask for discernment to know that it truly is You moving and creating this change Father I love You and I am so honored to be trusted to do these things for You Daddy I just sit in awe and will wait right here where I love to be more than any other place right at Your feet Jesus I love You and come to Father in Your Perfect Name

Unstoppable Joy

Have you ever met a person that just always seems happy? That person that even in the midst of a massive storm still smiles, seems to have peace, seems to not struggle through their situation but instead seems almost to glide through it with grace?
I don't know about you, but I so long to be that person! I want people to look at me in the middle of a battle and still see patience, strength and grace. Even more than that, I hope they see joy. Joy that seems to be endless. Joy that is contagious. Joy that shows a true peace and contentment in any situation. I want them to ask how it is that I can be this way, where it comes from. You see, there is a great difference between joy and happiness, at least in my mind. To me happy comes from something. Another person or thing is in control of my environment. It is fleeting. It can be shaken. It can be taken. Joy, on the other hand, is deep seated. It isn't shaken and can't be taken. It is a state of being. It is contagious. It comes from an endless Source.
When we keep our focus on God, He fills us up. He makes us more like Him. His Presence will fill our very being. When we focus on God, He changes us from the inside out. Holy Spirit begins to produce fruit in our lives. Galatians 5:22 says, "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There are no laws against these things!"
Lord, as I step into today I just thank You for the opportunity to be more like You. I ask that today all that You give to me spills out onto the others that I come in contact with. God today I pray that You are at the forefront of everything that I do and say so that others will see You and want more of You in their lives. Father I just ask for humility today, to remember that everything that I have is because of You and needs to be given away. Strip me of myself today and everyday so that I can be effective for Your Kingdom, Lord. I love You Lord and want only to be like You, be for You and be with You God. Let the eyes of the broken be opened today and their hearts be softened to You God. These things I ask in the name of Your perfect Son.

"See, God has come to save me. I will trust in Him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my strength and my song; He has given me victory." Isaiah 12:2 (NLT)

"So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace." Romans 8:6 (NLT)

The last few months I have been struggling with memory loss, word confusion and many other neurological symptoms. During this time, I have leaned heavily on God.  I really didn't know what to do except to rely on Him. Periodically fear would creep in when I would realize that I had yet again forgotten something or had called someone by the wrong name or couldn't even come up with the word I was looking for.
I finally broke down and sought the help of a doctor. I didn't really like what he had to say, and so instantly as I was hearing his words, I was giving them to God, asking Him what He said about this situation. I was thanking Him even for this test, asking Him to help me help my family because I knew that He was in control but not really fully reliant that they could handle what seemed to be coming.
The night before all the testing was to begin I just really told God how I felt, what I was afraid of, etc...but I also told Him that I totally trusted Him in this. Whatever happened, I would honor Him and people would see Him in it. You see, if only one person that I encountered along the road in this adventure could be turned to Him, I truly believe that it would be worth my suffering.
Let me tell you that every test came back perfectly normal. There is seemingly no explanation for the events of the last few months of my life. I can also tell you that my stammering/stuttering has ceased, I haven't forgotten a name and I haven't confused my words for a week now. It feels wonderful! My only explanation is that God healed me. I haven't had a headache, and I hadn't been free of that for many months. The wonderful part of that isn't so much that I am healed as it is that I believe that someone within the process was touched by God and I am so grateful to have been used.
During this time, I also needed to have an annual mammogram. I didn't even give this test any thought considering there were no symptoms, just something that needed done. Well, I had the test and received a call that afternoon that they had found "an abnormal and significant mass" in my left breast and I would need to come back in three days for further testing. I had such peace. I will admit, I was a little taken back, but truly had a peace about it all. I asked God to please just use this for His kingdom. The coolest thing happened, and I am not likely to forget any time soon.
I was driving myself to the center to have the tests done, it was about 7:15am. I had Jake Hamilton cranked up and I was full out worshiping. I took the exit ramp and something moved outside of my window. I looked over and flying right next to my car window for the full length of the ramp (it was a loop around ramp) was one single dove. It was beautiful! I was overcome by a peace that just seemed to settle deep into my soul. I began to cry and just thank God for whatever was about to take place in my life and no matter I would trust Him and honor Him and love Him.
I get to the center and go in for the first series of films. The nurse comes back and says the doc wants another set at a different angle. I go to the waiting area again when she is finished and she comes back to say that he wants yet another angle. This took place 4 times. She then came in to tell me that we now needed to go to the sonogram area. So we went and the whole way over, I just prayed and gave thanks. The doctor comes in and he says "We saw a significant lump in your films. However, this lump was not in the last series. So we are going to do a sonogram and just verify it's size and location." No worries. I watched as he rolled the little wand all around the area where the lump had just been and there was nothing. He looked at the nurse and looked at me and said "Well, this isn't the news I had expected to give you, but your breast tissue is healthy and we will see you back in one year for your annual screening." PRAISE JESUS!!!!
He didn't have to heal me! His love and His always being with me is so enough for every part of my life!  But He did! And so I knew that I had to share this news. He doesn't heal for me to just say thank You, I need to tell the world. I need to shout it from the wire! I can't help but go to Luke 17:17-19 "Jesus asked, 'Didn't I heal ten men? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?' And Jesus said to the man, 'Stand up and go. Your faith has healed you."
I thank You, Jesus for the incredible gift of healing You have blessed me with and I will not keep it to myself, Lord. No, I will tell everyone so that they, too, can see just how real You are, how attentive You are, how You don't overlook even a single desire when we just bring it all to You and know, in faith, that You have not only heard our cry but answered it. Father I just thank You for allowing me to be a testimony, God, that others can see You and know You. I love You and in Jesus name I thank You.