Monday, June 11, 2012

"See, God has come to save me. I will trust in Him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my strength and my song; He has given me victory." Isaiah 12:2 (NLT)

"So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace." Romans 8:6 (NLT)

The last few months I have been struggling with memory loss, word confusion and many other neurological symptoms. During this time, I have leaned heavily on God.  I really didn't know what to do except to rely on Him. Periodically fear would creep in when I would realize that I had yet again forgotten something or had called someone by the wrong name or couldn't even come up with the word I was looking for.
I finally broke down and sought the help of a doctor. I didn't really like what he had to say, and so instantly as I was hearing his words, I was giving them to God, asking Him what He said about this situation. I was thanking Him even for this test, asking Him to help me help my family because I knew that He was in control but not really fully reliant that they could handle what seemed to be coming.
The night before all the testing was to begin I just really told God how I felt, what I was afraid of, etc...but I also told Him that I totally trusted Him in this. Whatever happened, I would honor Him and people would see Him in it. You see, if only one person that I encountered along the road in this adventure could be turned to Him, I truly believe that it would be worth my suffering.
Let me tell you that every test came back perfectly normal. There is seemingly no explanation for the events of the last few months of my life. I can also tell you that my stammering/stuttering has ceased, I haven't forgotten a name and I haven't confused my words for a week now. It feels wonderful! My only explanation is that God healed me. I haven't had a headache, and I hadn't been free of that for many months. The wonderful part of that isn't so much that I am healed as it is that I believe that someone within the process was touched by God and I am so grateful to have been used.
During this time, I also needed to have an annual mammogram. I didn't even give this test any thought considering there were no symptoms, just something that needed done. Well, I had the test and received a call that afternoon that they had found "an abnormal and significant mass" in my left breast and I would need to come back in three days for further testing. I had such peace. I will admit, I was a little taken back, but truly had a peace about it all. I asked God to please just use this for His kingdom. The coolest thing happened, and I am not likely to forget any time soon.
I was driving myself to the center to have the tests done, it was about 7:15am. I had Jake Hamilton cranked up and I was full out worshiping. I took the exit ramp and something moved outside of my window. I looked over and flying right next to my car window for the full length of the ramp (it was a loop around ramp) was one single dove. It was beautiful! I was overcome by a peace that just seemed to settle deep into my soul. I began to cry and just thank God for whatever was about to take place in my life and no matter I would trust Him and honor Him and love Him.
I get to the center and go in for the first series of films. The nurse comes back and says the doc wants another set at a different angle. I go to the waiting area again when she is finished and she comes back to say that he wants yet another angle. This took place 4 times. She then came in to tell me that we now needed to go to the sonogram area. So we went and the whole way over, I just prayed and gave thanks. The doctor comes in and he says "We saw a significant lump in your films. However, this lump was not in the last series. So we are going to do a sonogram and just verify it's size and location." No worries. I watched as he rolled the little wand all around the area where the lump had just been and there was nothing. He looked at the nurse and looked at me and said "Well, this isn't the news I had expected to give you, but your breast tissue is healthy and we will see you back in one year for your annual screening." PRAISE JESUS!!!!
He didn't have to heal me! His love and His always being with me is so enough for every part of my life!  But He did! And so I knew that I had to share this news. He doesn't heal for me to just say thank You, I need to tell the world. I need to shout it from the wire! I can't help but go to Luke 17:17-19 "Jesus asked, 'Didn't I heal ten men? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?' And Jesus said to the man, 'Stand up and go. Your faith has healed you."
I thank You, Jesus for the incredible gift of healing You have blessed me with and I will not keep it to myself, Lord. No, I will tell everyone so that they, too, can see just how real You are, how attentive You are, how You don't overlook even a single desire when we just bring it all to You and know, in faith, that You have not only heard our cry but answered it. Father I just thank You for allowing me to be a testimony, God, that others can see You and know You. I love You and in Jesus name I thank You.