God's Provision

"Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises." James 5:13

Hardship fell on my house recently, I lost my job. It came out of nowhere, there was no warning...just there one day and gone the next. It was quickly apparent how many comforts we had become accustomed to. It was also quickly apparent that there was not enough money to keep just the basic needs met for a household this size.
Now, the old Kim would have quickly fallen apart and been extremely angry and vengeful in this situation. However, my Father has made a transformation in me...thank You Jesus!! You see, I didn't get angry. Instead, I prayed. I prayed with fervor. I was filled with such a peace about the situation and very clearly was told that it would be ok, I just need to rely on Him and rest in Him. He even showed me that I had prayed for things to be removed from my life that got in the way of my relationship with Him, and this job most definitely did that. So, as crazy as it sounds, I thanked Him. I thanked Him for opening my eyes to what I do have that can't be taken (His love, my relationship with Him) and then thanked Him in advance for taking care of my family as we go through this time.
It was only a week or two into it when things got hairy. There was no money to go to the grocery store. I prayed. By the end of the day, He provided me an income that would cover the food bill. Soon it was that we lost our phone and internet. Yes, these are items on a normal basis I could live without. But, I was in my last week of school, which was over the internet, so it really was a necessity at that point. Again I prayed, again He provided that very day through an amazing couple at church the exact amount that I needed to cover that bill. Soon after was the car insurance...again I prayed...that day I got a phone call from a friend who said she had sent me a couple books I should be getting in the next day or so. I received them the next day....tucked into one of the books was a check for the amount that I needed to pay the car insurance. Then there were the amazing people that He sent gifts for the kids through so that they had Christmas. As if all of that is not enough, He kept on giving. On the very day that the food ran out and the water was about to be shut off, these things were taken care of by way of the battle I had been in with unemployment coming to an end in my favor.
Friends, our God is faithful and He never forsakes us. In this time of trial, He did not turn His back on me but instead loved me and provided for me and comforted me as only my Father could. I am thankful that I was given another opportunity to grow in Him. James 1:2-3 says, "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow."

How can I doubt my Creator?

This morning I went to the grocery store. Yes, that is something that I do at least once a week but today was much different. You see, for the first time in many years, I had to go through the store with my calculator in my hand knowing that even the small amount I was allowing myself to spend on food was too much because now I would not meet one of the bills. It was quite humbling.
As I entered the store, my stomach started turning. I knew that I was only here for the very basic of things and couldn't afford anything more. The boys were with me, and I had to tell them no so many times, and each time my heart broke a little more. As I was going down the aisles looking for the specific things on my list, my past came back to me. The days of hot dogs and peanut butter and jelly. The days of milk being something that we might get once a month if lucky. I never really thought I would see these days again.
This got my mind to wondering. How long will it be before all of our luxuries are removed? How long before the phone is shut off and the computer is just a space taker? This is where the Lord stepped in. He gently reminded me that He will feed me....even if it is the very tiniest of morsels, I will be fed. He will provide shelter....even if I have to give up all the things that I am used to having, like the phone, the internet, the cable. He will not leave me. In Matthew 6:25-34, He says (Jesus spoke this!)
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, " What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

How can I doubt my Creator? He made me! He knows every hair on my head! He knows my heart! He knows each and every need and desire! He will not let me perish for I am His. I may not be able to provide for my family, but He can and will! It occurs to me how much I love my family, and how strong a desire I have to provide every little thing that they need and want......this is not even a close match to the love Jesus has for us. How then could I worry? Thank You Jesus for all that You provide, for all that You share of Yourself, for all that I cannot even put into words!!

His clothes

My grandson came in and turned on the television this morning and there was a question answer session going on. It was the last question when he turned it on and this was the question.

When I need to make a decision and I go to God but don't get a clear word back, if I proceed without waiting for a clear answer is that going in my will and is that sinful."

Ok, now you know that I was caught and waiting for the answer. Are you ready for this? Haha, I know that you are........

If you are living in a relationship with Jesus and know that The Holy Spirit is dwelling in you, you also know the peace of your spirit when aligned God. If we live in this place, we can also quickly recognize the feeling of unrest in our spirit. If we are moving in His will, we will be at peace. If we are going against His will, we will experience unrest. We will not always get a clear answer because He does allow for us to make choices, but The Holy Spirit will always nudge you and let you know.

He also said this.

Many times we ask for God to show us the path He wants us to take. Sometimes we then find ourselves stopped and waiting and questioning if we "hear" the right answer, if we "are doing what He intends". Ask instead for God to block the path we are not to go down. There are many ways that are ok to get where we are going, there are usually also clear cut wrong ways. If we ask that He block those roads for us, He will do so.

Now as I look at my walk, I can say there is truth in this. I haven't always gotten a definitive answer, and I do know that He allows me to choose Him, choose love. I can honestly say that those times that I have been clearly on the "wrong path" I have been filled with unrest and torment. However, we do not have to stay there. Our Father is a loving, forgiving Father that will allow a lesson, but will correct in love and can right any wrong. He won't hold us to our poor choices, He will lovingly teach us His way, yet continue to allow us our choices.
I can definitely say that there is nothing like that quiet, still, deep rooted peaceful feeling that I feel knowing that the Holy Spirit resides in me and is working through me. There is also no mistaking the feeling of turmoil and angst when I know that I am going against love, when I am in my own clothes and not in the clothes that God designed for me. You see, my clothes never fit. They are loose here, tight there, lacking in some fashion ... always always lacking. When I wear my clothes I am never satisfied, never complete, always seeking something that I just can't find. But when I wear the clothes of righteousness that Jesus fashioned just for me, they are perfect. Not only do they fit perfectly, I feel perfect. I become closer to Him. I become more like Him. I want to be near Him, so near that there is no distinction, like if I were to look in the mirror He would over shadow me so that all anyone could see is Him. Those are the clothes that I want to wear...that is the outfit I want for life.
So, today Lord, I ask that you block the ways of this world from my life. Clothe me Father in the precious outfit that You designed just for me and let the world only see You and Your perfect love. Let me live out Your love so that this world will see just how beautiful and wonderful and powerful and majestic and graceful and perfect You are.

URGENT:Prayer Request

This is not my typical blog. Something happened about half an hour ago that I cannot explain other than God. I was not going to share it, but then something happened that changed that, my daughter....and your daughter...and all those crying out for help. This is what happened.

I stopped at Aldi's to grab a few items that we needed tonight. As I was getting my cart a feeling swept over me and I knew that something was about to happen and I needed to be ready, for what I did not know. As I was nearing the middle of the first aisle, the hairs on my arms literally stood at attention and I felt covered in goosebumps. I stopped. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew I needed to pay attention. Nothing. I continued down the aisle and as I got to the end I saw a woman standing to my right on her cell phone. She hurried in front of me and stood in the corner and was visibly sobbing. I felt like I needed to go to her, but I didn't. I went to the next aisle and tried to go down it. People, it was like a force beyond anything I have ever felt was pushing me back to that woman. I tried to resist, but when I went to move forward I found myself literally moving backwards. At that moment I heard her saying (or maybe the Lord just gave it to me, I don't know) but I heard her sobbing "Paul don't hurt my baby...just don't hurt my baby...where do you have her?" As I got back to the point I had passed her, she crossed in front of me again. This time she was sobbing, not crying, just like she was in a trance and sobbing. She literally walked into the vegetable bin. I left my cart and went to her. I put my hand on her shoulder and she looked up at me. I said simply "can I help you?" She let out a cry and said "it's my daughter. she is in trouble and she wants me to come get her but he won't tell me where they are, only somewhere between Arizona and New Mexico. she is so scared and he won't tell me" The Lord gave me some words for her and I spoke them to her. Then I asked her daughter's name. It is Elizabeth. I told her that I would pray for Elizabeth and that God loves her more than even a mamma's love and He is not letting go of her, He would not leave her alone. She grabbed me and just melted into tears right in the middle of the store holding on so tightly I couldn't have moved if I wanted to. About that time someone came up to her that was evidently with her and as she began to tell them about the call I slipped away.
When I left the store I noticed they were parked right in front of my van because they were standing outside the car talking. I loaded the van and got in. My daughter was watching them with a look on her face that I hadn't seen there before and I asked her what was wrong. She said, "I am confused." I asked about what. She said "I don't know. that woman looks like she is crying and something is really wrong. I don't know what i am feeling" So I told her the story.

What I am asking is that you take time right now and pray protection, love and healing upon Elizabeth.
God please hold Elizabeth so closely that she will know Your presence. Lord take Your child in Your arms and cradle her through this journey. Fill her with a peace that passes understanding and calm in the storm around her. Father please change the heart of Paul and bring about a healing for them all. Father only You know what is truly needed in this situation and to You we leave it.

Glory days!

I love it when God changes my heart about something! Don't you? How about those moments when He lets you see that what you are believing is a lie? Those are great! The best part is when He can convince me to see the truth behind the lies. Most of you, when I say lies, will think of someone deliberately telling something false. But today it occurred to me that our own fear, insecurity, bad attitude, etc is used in the battle against us. We can believe whatever we like, be it good or bad. We can also convince others, even unwittingly, to buy into the lie our fear is feeding us. Let me give an example of something that happened to me this morning.
I got out of bed and went outside to check the weather. It was cloudy, drizzly and cold. I smiled. I love these days! So I got the kids ready and we headed out to begin our day. They too were enjoying this weather, and that again made me smile. However, it soon became evident that not many shared our enthusiasm. Looking out the window I saw people that were not happy. People that were rushing out of the weather not really paying attention to anything around them. Aside from the people, I saw beautiful trees and leaves falling in the breeze. I saw squirrels scampering around freely because there wasn't anyone for them to fear. I smelled the fall air rushing in the windows of my van. It was truly beautiful.
I decided to turn on the radio, only to hear "we aren't going to have the beautiful weather of yesterday, in fact, it is going to be quite dreary out there, it's a good day to just stay inside" Now, I have probably heard that a thousand times on as many different days of my life til now and it never bothered me. This morning, it bothered me.
Isn't there still beauty in a storm? Isn't there still beauty in the snow? In the rain? Wind? These are just elements. Do we really allow them to alter our outlook or our attitudes? Can something so simple really isolate us from others? The answer to that is yes. Yes, we do allow the "elements" to affect our lives in negative ways. We allow other peoples opinions to alter our opinions. After I heard this said several more times over the next half hour, I started to lose my spark and think that maybe I was just a little on the odd side. (Well, all those that know me know that I am a bit odd, but that aside...) It was then that it occurred to me that I was buying into somebody else's lie. By definition gloomy means partially or completely dark, amongst other things. So yes, it may be gloomy in that sense. But to isolate ourselves from things that we love to do or people that we could be reaching out to because it is gloomy outside .... well, I just don't see it. Don't we hold the answer to darkness? Don't we have a way to brighten not only our lives but lives of others? Isn't Jesus a light that shines through even the darkest of nights and thickest of clouds? These things, these elements in our lives (be it weather, problems, a belief that someone holds that isn't healthy) do not have to dictate how our day will go. I am so thankful for the beauty that He has placed around me. What an amazing artist He is!! The colors, the smells, the sensations! These things change with the seasons, change with the weather, but He never does! How wonderful is that! No matter the weather, the situation, the circumstances He will never change! So, how then can I look to a cloudy day and let the lie sit in my soul that today I need to hide myself away because it is "dreary" or "gloomy"....oh no....today I am going to look through that cloud and see the Light that is always shining! Today I am going to seek Him, draw nearer to Him. Today I am going to praise Him. Today I am going to thank Him for being the Light in this dark world and let my light shine as brightly for Him as I can.
Thank You, Jesus for showing me the beauty you have created and helping me to see that it is always there and there isn't a damper for Your light!

Grace amazing ....

So I was on my way to work this morning listening to Mark Schultz's new CD, which by the way is great.
But anyway, as I was driving and singing I became emotionally overwhelmed. I started talking to Dad. I hadn't planned on a chat session, but it seems as though the song "Grace Amazing" had opened up a flood from my heart to His. I received such vivid imagery and such a clear message that I began to just weep uncontrollably. I was so in this moment that it felt as though He was sitting right there with me in the car coloring me a picture so I could understand it.
You see, as this song began to play and I began to sing along, I saw a little girl playing in a beautiful field. She was skipping and making crowns out of dandelions and blowing those little flowers of fuzz. She kept looking to a ray of sun and grinning and would venture out a little at a time, keeping the ray within reach but dancing on the border. All of a sudden she was out of range of the ray and instantly felt alone, lost, frantic. She began to run crying out for someone to help, she didn't know which way she had went because as she was playing she lost her direction. She sat down on a log and prayed. She didn't pray to be found or to be rescued, she prayed that He just stay with her so she wouldn't be alone. All of a sudden the ray of light was directly on her and His voice was so clear and so gentle. It was as though she had to strain her ears to hear what was being said, but her heart knew without hearing. What He said was simple.
"I am here. I am always always here. Child it was you that ventured away from me, but I knew right where you were. You love me. You tease Me with your affection, but you rarely sit with Me. Come child, sit with Me. Talk with Me. Hear Me. Be still for I am always with you and always want you. You do not have to entertain Me. You do not have to do anything. Just come, sit, talk with Me and know that I Am."
The little girl lifted her face and it became radiant. Her countenance changed and she sat with her face to her Father....she was still with Him.

Oh Lord.....I want to be still with You. I want to be able to always hear You, pick Your voice out of all the rest. I thank You that You love me so much that You would share Your heart with me, now please help me to give all of mine to You. You are Holy! You are my savior! You are my everything! I adore You, I love You, I need You!

The questions of the day are....

thegat.com

This morning I was feeding myself. I woke up with such a hunger for the Lord, it was like I was just ravenous. I felt such a craving for His message, His word. So, I ran down my list of pastors that feed my soul with the truth of His grace and truth. Of these pastors, one just kept coming up more than the others. This is how I determine who to listen to today, lol. I ask and wait and He tells. Well, Pastor Aaron Escamilla was my meal for the day. I listened first to "A Character Worth Following" in which the questions I am going to address today came from. As I type, I am in the final moments of "R U Worth Following". I truly recommend listening to these, wow is all I can say. Anyway, Aaron posed two questions that have been rolling around my mind since I listened this morning. In no more than 140 letters per question, answer the following:
"What is it in a Christian's life that makes our character different from that of others?"
"What is the truth that I find hard living up to?"
Ok, wow. Those are some loaded questions, but truth be told, they are questions I have really been personally dealing with lately. What is it about the me of now versus the me of my past that is different? I mean to tell you this has come up on so many different levels in my life. He said that this was a personal answer and didn't have to be shared, and that is great because then one tends to be more honest. However, I am quite the opposite. If I share something with another, it then holds me accountable.....so, I am going to attempt this right here with you. And I challenge you to get honest with yourself and your God, and yes you can do it in private, but really dig in and try to honestly answer these questions for yourself.
Character differences: As a Christian, I think the most important characteristic I can have is to be loving. That sums up every difference that I can think of, because if I act in love I am being a Christian. It is when I love with a love that only He can provide that I see the clear difference in my life now versus my life before I became a Christian. Today, I know that I am not any better or worse than any other. God loves us all the same...no one sin is greater or less than another, sin is sin and we all sin daily. I am here to love and serve. If someone is in need, as a Christian, I should help. If someone doesn't know Jesus, I should be shining for Him in my life already to the point that they have already met Him. I am here to plant, water and nourish His garden, feed His children, promote His great love. To do these things, He has to be first in my life...the center of all that I do. My eyes should be on Him and my heart, ears, eyes and every other sense that I have to use should be trained on Him. I need to feed myself on His truths daily and this is how I then feed others. I have a simple (HA) way that I look at my life and what I am doing in it.....knowing that my children are watching my every move, are the moves I am making what I want for their lives and are they pleasing to God. If I even hesitate, then I need to stop and fix my eyes on Him and find another way.
The truth I find hardest to live up to is being patient, both with myself and others. I try, I really do, but man, I am lacking in this department. There are days that I allow outside sources in and BANG my sight is blocked! I have to dodge obstacles to get my eyes back on Him, and sometimes it takes a bit longer than other times. However, He is always there waiting on me to get it together and helps me back on track. That is our God...loving, kind, patient, generous, faithful, and I could fill up a notebook with other descriptives. Ya know, He is helping us all to be these things. We have only to trust Him and know that in His hands, we will be molded to perfectly fit the plan He has laid for us.